


Fuck Me in the Ass Cause I Love Jesus

by WriteByNight



Series: Sterek Week 2016 [7]
Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Groundskeeper Derek Hale, I'm Going to Hell, M/M, Sterek Week, Sterek Week 2016
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-21
Updated: 2016-11-21
Packaged: 2018-09-01 09:22:06
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,370
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8618845
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WriteByNight/pseuds/WriteByNight
Summary: Now that Stiles was a college graduate and still living at home, he had decided to help out as the organ player for the duration of the summer. The last organist had unexpectedly kicked the bucket and although there were a few people with more experience than Stiles, no one had the free time that he did so he'd reluctantly accepted the position.Stiles thought it would put him back in the big guy's good graces after all the fucking up he'd done as a kid...teen...okay, his entire life.There wasn't really another benefit to the arrangement. Stiles didn't even have a keyboard at home, so he had to come to church every Wednesday and Saturday and practice for the Sunday services. Luckily, some of the more experienced players covered the choir practices for him. Playing and hearing hymns three times a week was more than enough for him.However, about a week and a half into his time as organist he'd come across another perk. The groundskeeper and maintenance man, Derek Hale.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Yes, I did Day 7: Lyrics and Quotes and picked 'Fucked Me in the Ass Cause I Love Jesus' by Garfunkel and Oates. Yes, I'm going to hell. MAYBE I'll save you a seat.
> 
> For once, this isn't dark. I know, I was shocked, too.

Stiles was pretty sure that God hated him.

He didn't blame the big guy, of course. The man upstairs had plenty of reasons to hate the hyperactive, clumsy spaz. There was the incident when Stiles had been carrying the burning candle down the aisle to light the ceremonial candles at the pulpit when he'd tripped (he swore that Jackson had done it on purpose, but the other boy had feigned innocence, the fuckwit). He had managed to stop himself from falling and lighting the carpet on fire, and then the candle accidentally hit a pew and nearly caught a woman on fire, but she'd managed to block herself. With the word of God.

So, yeah. He was sure lighting a Bible on fire hadn't done him any favors.

There was another incident when Stiles had played one of the three wise men in the Christmas nativity play and accidentally hit the toddler playing Jesus with the little wooden box that was supposed to have gold inside. Not to mention the time he had snuck a whole bottle of the communion wine home and gotten absolutely smashed and nearly blacked out.

His dad had almost been more upset about the wine incident than he had been about the Bible burning, to be honest. There was no way Stiles could've gotten that drunk by accident, though, so he was sure that came into play.

Now that Stiles was a college graduate and still living at home, he had decided to help out as the organ player for the duration of the summer. The last organist had unexpectedly kicked the bucket and although there were a few people with more experience than Stiles, no one had the free time that he did so he'd reluctantly accepted the position.

Stiles thought it would put him back in the big guy's good graces after all the fucking up he'd done as a kid...teen...okay, his entire life.

There wasn't really another benefit to the arrangement. Stiles didn't even have a keyboard at home, so he had to come to church every Wednesday and Saturday and practice for the Sunday services. Luckily, some of the more experienced players covered the choir practices for him. Playing and hearing hymns three times a week was more than enough for him.

However, about a week and a half into his time as organist he'd come across another perk. The groundskeeper and maintenance man, Derek Hale.

The man was incredibly gorgeous with thick black hair, stunning green/gray eyes and tan skin. He had buff arms, a muscular back, thick thighs and a glorious ass. Stiles didn't like to assume things, but he was pretty positive the man also had rock hard abs and a fantastic dick. Not that he would ever find out, of course.

He usually spent a half an hour practicing, tops, each Wednesday and Saturday. Once he'd come across the sexy groundskeeper, he would stay for maybe three hours, hoping to woo the man through songs of Jesus and his pretty basic organ playing.

The few glimpses of the man were enough to keep Stiles around, and his organ playing had improved dramatically. A few of the other organists were talking about having him play at the Vacation Bible School show when the kids sang all the songs they had learned during the week. He still needed to think of an excuse to get out of that one. He considered spraining his wrist, but then he wouldn't be able to come in to practice and sneak peeks at Derek.

Plus, if he sprained either of his wrists he wouldn't he be able to masturbate and finger himself at the same time and he was not going to do anything so drastic as to limit his 'me' time.

Fortunately, he still had a few weeks until Vacation Bible School even started, so he was sure he'd think of a solution by then. His current problems were much bigger.

He was getting sick and tired of playing hymns. Yes, he was getting better at the songs and rarely played a wrong key anymore, but it was at the cost of his sanity. Stiles didn't mind playing _'Gloria Patri'_ too much because it had been his favorite song to hear his mother sing. However, there were only so many times he could practice the same droning, repetitive and saintly songs.

Honestly, didn't anyone ever consider making the hymns more upbeat? No wonder Stiles had always fallen asleep in church as a kid. His mom used to tease him that he was an Energizer bunny up until the service started. It was why he'd been given the task of lighting the candles in the first place – his parents wanted to make sure he was awake and absorbing at least some of God's word.

It kind of backfired, though, because their reverend at the time had been very interested in condemning them for their sins and talked about hellfire and fasting in repentance for their sins. Stiles wasn't too fond of fire and was a big fan of food. The thought that he'd go to hell had terrified him and he'd actively ignore the reverend so he wouldn't break down and cry during the services.

A year later they had replaced the reverend, but Stiles couldn't get the thought of sinning out of his head. It was even worse when he found out he was gay.

He had denounced all things religious, but still attended church every Sunday with his father because his dad liked the services and it was one of the few things they could do that they had done when his mother was alive. For that reason, alone Stiles enjoyed going to church – because his mother had enjoyed it so much.

Unfortunately, it did nothing for his eternal hatred of boring hymns and lack of company during his practice time.

After he had run through the hymns a couple of times, Stiles began to play random songs on the organ. At first he played _'Take Me Out to the Ball Game'_ and the baseball/hockey _'Charge'_ theme. Stiles didn't have too many full songs memorized without sheet music to help him out.

After a few rounds of ' _Charge_ ', Stiles pulled out his phone and searched for something interesting to play while keeping an eye out for the delicious Derek Hale. Sadly, since Derek was a groundskeeper, most of his work was done outside, so he usually only saw the man through the blurry, stained glass windows. They hardly did the gorgeous man justice, though.

Stiles was looking through a site with free sheet music when there was a knock on the sanctuary door and the assistant reverend poked her head in. Stiles turned around and set his phone down on the seat and tried to look like he'd just taken a break to stretch his fingers instead of looking for something to play that wasn't so biblical.

“Hey, Stiles! Reverend Camden and I are leaving now for calling hours, but we can't unlock the office door for Derek until he's ready to fix the file cabinet. Will you give these to him when he's done mowing the cemetery?” Reverend Glass asked as she tossed a set of keys at him.

Stiles stood up from the bench behind the large organ and caught the heavy, overcrowded key ring after fumbling with them in midair for a second. “Yeah, sure.” he stammered as he set the jumbled mass of keys down on the bench next to his phone. “Where do you want me to put the keys after?”

“Just give them to Derek. His copy to the office sticks in the lock, so he'll probably need this set. He'll lock everything up when he's done, but he has a tendency to do it when he's finishing up instead of as he goes, so please remind him that the office is supposed to be locked if no one is in it.”

“Yeah, okay. No problem.” Stiles shot her a nervous smile and sat back down facing the organ. “Have fun!”

Reverend Glass just let out a little laugh and called out a farewell as she let the sanctuary door fall shut behind her. Stiles groaned and let his head hit the top of the organ. “Cause funerals are so fun,” he muttered with a wince as he picked up his phone to resume his search for a song to play. “Idiot.”

A few minutes later, Stiles found the perfect song, and even though it was a bit beyond his skill level, he couldn't help himself. He couldn't get the sheet music to load correctly on his phone, so he jogged to the office, let himself in and grabbed the tablet from its case in the top desk drawer. He made sure to lock the door behind himself before he nearly skipped on the way back to the sanctuary room.

Once he had the sheet music downloaded and on full screen on the tablet, Stiles cleared his throat nervously and his long fingers trembled as he set them on the cool keys. Was he really about to play _this_ particular song, in _church_?

He shrugged to himself. It couldn't be any worse than the time he had burned the Bible. That was pretty much the epitome of giving a middle finger to God, aside from burning a church to the ground, or something. Playing a song was nearly nothing compared to some of the things people did in God's name. Either way, Stiles was surely going to hell anyway so he figured he may as well enjoy the journey.

_'All my life, I've been good  
Do what my mom and dad and God say I should  
Go to church and Bible School  
To live by God's rule_

_So whatever people tell me  
That The Bible tells me  
I will do'_

Stiles took a deep breath and began to play the next verse. He felt like he was about to be set on fire at any moment.

_'Walk the halls of high school with my purity ring  
Unlike those other girls, I've got my morals in check  
It was easy to do until I got a boyfriend  
And pardon my French, but he's cute as heck_

_But I made a pact  
To keep my hymen intact  
And Jesus and I are tight'_

Stiles had to repress a laugh as it bubbled up in his throat. He couldn't believe he was actually playing this song while in _church_ and in the _sanctuary_ for fuck's sake.

_'Never learned about the birds and the bees  
I was taught to keep an aspirin in between my knees  
'Cause The Bible says premarital sex is wrong  
But Derek says that guys can't wait that long_

_I don't want to lose him  
To someone who'll do him  
I need to figure something out_

_Well there's a loophole in The Scripture that works really well  
So I can get him off without going to hell  
It's my Hail Mary, full of grace  
In Jesus' name we go to fifth base!'_

Stiles wondered how many girls had been convinced that anal sex was a loophole when there was that whole big deal with sodomy in the Bible. Those poor girls didn't even have prostates and probably got nothing out of having anal sex. It was almost as hilarious as it was pathetic.

_'Oh, thank you for making me holy  
And thank you for giving me holes to choose from  
And since I'm not a godless whore  
He'll have to come in the back door  
Therefore_

_Fuck me in the ass 'cause I love Jesus  
The good Lord would want it that way  
Gimme that sweet sensation of a throbbing rationalization  
It's just between you and me  
'Cause everyone knows it's the sex that God can't see_

_It's hard to be as pure as me  
To resist the urge to lose my vaginal virginity  
To wait until my marriage bed  
To give my husband my unsullied maiden head'_

Stiles' voice rose as the notes became harsher, and he was nearly oblivious to the way the song echoed throughout the empty sanctuary.

_'So take your cock out  
Shove it in my ass  
Fuck me until-'_

“What are you doing?” A deep voice demanded over the music.

Stiles yelped and hit a few sour notes before he whirled around on the bench to face the open sanctuary doors. His heart pounded in his chest and a rapid blush flooded his face as the hot piece of ass otherwise known as Derek Hale stared at him from the doorway.

“Uh, may I help you?” Stiles squeaked out with a cringe.

“Why- how... Why are you playing _that_ song in _church_?!” The older male questioned with a furious expression.

“I got bored of the hymns.” Stiles winced when he realized how lame that sounded once spoken out loud. Honestly, how did he manage to get himself in these situations? He would blame karma, but sometimes he swore it was the worst form of divine intervention. Not that Stiles didn't have it coming, but _still_.

“You...what? So you thought singing _that_ song would be less boring?”

“Well, it is,” Stiles said hotly as he glared at the older male. “You have no idea what it's like to put on a front for people. I love this church because my mom loved it. I don't like hymns, I don't agree with the Scripture and I'm sick of people hiding behind some book and using it as an excuse to treat people like me like we're less than human.”

Stiles' breath stuttered under the relief he felt. It felt so good to tell another person how he felt about being part of a community that shunned those who were anything but straight. How they all preached about being there for one another and doing their best in God's name, but condemning people for things they had no control over. His dad had an inkling regarding Stiles' mixed feelings toward church, but they never discussed it. It was like his mother's death. It happened, but they couldn't talk about it.

Getting it out there eased some of the tension he'd been carrying for over a decade. He felt lighter and freer. He supposed this was how Catholics felt after Confession. He wondered why it hadn't caught on in the Christian churches.

“What do you mean by 'people like you'?” Derek's harsh tone snapped Stiles from his thoughts instantly and he stared with his mouth open as the groundskeeper continued, “White people? A college graduate? The sheriff's son that can do no wrong, including setting a Bible on fire, destruction of church property, and coming up with dirty versions of Bible verses _during_ service?”

Stiles wasn't sure how Derek knew about any of that stuff since he'd never actually seen the male at service, but he was sure people had filled him in, or he'd overheard some of it. It was entirely possible that Derek attended early service, whereas he and his father always went to late service.

“Gay people, actually,” Stiles responded with an icy glare. “And how do you know about all that stuff, anyway? You didn't even go here when all those things happened.”

Before Derek had a chance to respond, Stiles cut him off. “My dad didn't get me out of trouble with 'destruction of church property', by the way. My mom had passed away and my dad still hadn't come to terms with her death, yet, and it was almost Halloween, my mom's favorite holiday. We didn't decorate the house like we usually did. My dad didn't even buy me a costume to wear to the school Halloween party. It was the day before Halloween and I didn't want my mom to miss out, so I snuck out and went to the cemetery to decorate my mom's headstone. And since the day before Halloween is also known as Mischief Night, I got caught and the police were called. After I explained myself, they let me go. It had nothing to do with my dad being the sheriff, which, he wasn't, at the time. I wasn't destroying anything. I was decorating. It just depends on your perspective.”

Derek was silent for a few seconds before he asked, “So, how do you explain this?” He waved toward the organ and Stiles with a furrowed brow.

“Well, I guess I'd like to follow the scripture against premarital sex, and offer my ass up so I can keep my hymen intact, cause I made a pact and Jesus and I are tight.” Stiles deadpanned in one breath. 

He raised an eyebrow as the older male gaped at him, revealing an adorable set of bunny teeth that nearly made Stiles melt. How could the muscular maintenance man be so cute? Stiles loved defying stereotypes, and Derek was the perfect combination of manly and pretty. However, he refused to swoon quite so easily.

“Why does it matter to you, anyway?” Stiles demanded. “I've never seen you actually attend a service whereas my holy ass is faithfully here playing ridiculous hymns every Sunday next to people who ignore my sexual preference as a valid and ac-”

“I'm bi.”

“What?”

“I'm bisexual, but I lean more toward men,” Derek replied as he finally stepped into the sanctuary and let the door fall shut quietly behind him.

Stiles suddenly realized why he had never heard the older man enter the room. The door had always had an irritating squeak to it ever since he was a kid, but now the door was silent and opened and shut easily. He hadn't noticed when Reverend Glass had entered the room earlier, either. He wondered how many other things Derek had silently and dutifully repaired that no one took notice to. Ignoring him as much as they ignored everything else that was wrong with the world as they focused on things that they had no business to mess with.

“You lean more toward men? And the door doesn't squeak...” Stiles mumbled softly as he tried to sort out his thoughts.

“Yes. I'm not religious, but no one in the congregation was willing to step up and help out around the church for such little pay, and my family is close with Reverend Camden.”

“You like men?”

Derek rolled his eyes. “Yes, Stiles, I like men.”

“You know my name?”

“ _Everyone_ knows your name, Stiles.”

“I don't care about everyone. I care that _you_ know my name.” Stiles whispered as Derek slowly approached him. He could feel his heart thumping in his chest and his pulse pounded as the older man got closer to him. He could smell the spicy sharpness of cologne mixed with the heady musk of sweat and the combination made his head swim.

Stiles closed his eyes and inhaled deeply as Derek leaned over him. He parted his lips to wet his tongue and twitched violently when soft, but insistent lips met his. He wrapped an arm around the back of Derek's neck and fisted the front of the man's shirt as he responded to the kiss.

Derek was probably the most attractive person Stiles had ever kissed, and the best at it. He applied the right amount of pressure and didn't use too much tongue or do crazy things with it that made Stiles feel like his mouth was being assaulted. Derek's tongue dueled with his like it had a right to be in his mouth and it was simultaneously the best and weirdest feeling Stiles had experienced while kissing another person.

Stiles moaned as Derek pulled away and nipped teasingly at the other man's bottom lip as he panted for breath.

“Fuck me,” Stiles muttered as he leaned back. He jerked when his elbow landed on the organ's keys and blushed when Derek laughed.

“Maybe next time.” The raven haired man responded with a wink as he walked away, twirling the keys Reverend Glass had left for him.

“You can't just open up to me, kiss me like that and then walk away!” Stiles called as Derek walked out the door. “Come back here when you're finished fixing the filing cabinet!”

**Author's Note:**

> Oh man, guys. Yep. I'm going straight to hell.


End file.
